Myths and Facts
For our families, your compassion is a bridge of encouragement and an answer to prayer. Men, who have seen their mothers, sisters, daughters, or others they care for go through such legal difficulties, often respond quickly and generously with their donations. [See, Case Excerpts and About Us].
Most women, usually making less than men, donate regularly but in smaller amounts. Yet, the power of a dollar given by every woman in America would offer untold support to our struggling mothers. When protecting the care and custody of their children, lack of funds can happen to any mother mired in such unfortunate circumstances. Your active and compassionate response to assist them, and your comprehensive acknowledgment, helps sustain families in great need.
Fifty years ago, battered women were largely unseen and unsupported in our country. There were few services and fewer resources for them. Today, they are recognized and protected. There are domestic violence centers, attorneys to assist them, advocates working on their behalf, and shelters available to these families nationwide. However, for mothers entangled in custody and visitation proceedings, there are few services and fewer resources available to them today. Myths swirl about them, and they must await the time when they, too, will be recognized and protected by their nation's countrymen.
Some of the myths they encounter are listed below. These are countered by some facts which then follow.
Myths:
- Circumstances never change. You made your bed. You lie in it.
- Mothers who lose custody are unfit. Your kids are probably better off without you.
- You deserve this. You were stupid, or foolish: I don't care that you might lose - or have lost - your child[ren], your home, and your assets.
- You should have had abortions instead of children you cannot take care of.
- You decided to have children. You should always have the money to take care of them, and always have money set aside for unexpected custody battles, attorney fees, and all emergencies.
- If removing yourself and your kids from domestic violence results in financial and legal difficulties, and your instability, you should go back, continue to be beaten, let the kids be abused or molested, and allow everyone to be deeply impacted by an unhealthy situation. There is no point in striving for anything better for you and your children.
- Why do you need child support anyway? You are the mother and should pay for everything for your kids.
- I won't help you because no one helped me when I was, and my family was, in desperate need.
- You should go through tough times alone. I did.
- I never talked about my problems. You should keep yours to yourself.
- You don't have a real problem.
- All mothers have millions of dollars and never have financial crises. Anyway, the legal help you need is free and readily available.
- No one ever honored me for bearing my children. Why should I honor or assist you?
- Ask your church, your family, your friends, or your country for help - but don't ask me!
- I can only give $1-$25. My contribution can't possibly amount to much for your problem. You need a millionaire's help. Ask only millionaires for help - they'll help you.
- Ask Oprah. She has money. She'll help you.
- Somebody else will help you. Ask somebody else.
Facts:
- These are the women who have borne their children, have encountered an overwhelming legal difficulty, and need your help.
- Find a place in your heart to help because you have been there or someone you love has gone through similar legal difficulties and expenses.
- Many fine moms make between $4-$12 per hour and face financial hardship when a legal crisis hits.
- Court is very costly and a financial crisis can erupt when custody or visitation must be defended in court. In almost all cases, legal help is not free.
- Attorneys can cost hundreds of dollars per hour. Their fees vary. Moms have been known to barter all their assets to hire attorneys and to meet other court-related expenses to defend the custody and visitation of their children.
- Some mothers cannot afford attorneys, and have lost custody (or visitation rights) as a result.
- Help because you know court costs are expensive, legal difficulties can be formidable, and even though a mother can love her children with all her heart, a good mother can lose custody under misapplied law, or without the help of a good attorney, or when she does not know the law or how to negotiate court proceedings, or she simply lacks money.
- A financial disaster occurs when a mother, defending the custody or visitation of her children, can no longer provide the common necessities of life for her family because her finances have been economically stretched and simultaneously diminished to an unsustainable degree. And in this situation, under poor law, a good mother without money can lose custody.
- Help because you know your dollar makes a difference and your compassion matters. Your help can keep children safe, and loving families together.
We, at The Custody Project, affirm that there are many ways of caring, giving support, encouragement, and love, and helping to keep mothers and their children alive, well, and in better circumstances. There are a thousand ways of sharing how much we care for our mothers and their children. Join us in helping to express our lovingness and our livingness. As once was said, there are a million ways of saying no and only one way of saying yes:
"To compromise in this matter is to decide. To postpone and evade a decision is to decide, to hide the matter is to decide. There are a thousand ways of saying no, one way of saying yes and no way of saying anything else." (Gregory Vlastos)
Thank you for your support.